I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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