I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
