I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
