I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
