Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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