If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
