when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
