Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
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I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize