i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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