Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
