In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
