Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize