Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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