Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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