Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
