Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
