Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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