you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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