She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize