Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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