I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just pee around me
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
