My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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