1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
