Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
why do cheetos always look like penises
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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