dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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