I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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