i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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