you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
