Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
