Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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