My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize