Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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