That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
