im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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