After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
