By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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