I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
