I like my sex mixed with concussions.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
