God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
