ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
