smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
