rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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