If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
