She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
