Cold hands, warm shart.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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