I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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