separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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