Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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