nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
