I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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