Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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