dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
