stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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