Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
