We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Randomize
