In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
