Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Randomize
