Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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